


Nightmares

by Star_Jelly



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Nightmares, Other, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Jelly/pseuds/Star_Jelly
Summary: During Winry’s latest visit to Central City, Edward collapses and it’s revealed that he hasn’t been sleeping. But what happens when Winry discovers the reason for his lack of sleep ?





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this takes place before the events of Brothers? I dunno, mostly I just wanted to make some angsty EdWin fluff

Edward, Winry and Alphonse wandered down the streets of Central City, Winry squealing in excitement over nearly every machine she saw, Alphonse chuckling at her enthusiasm. Both of them seemed to be having a fairly good day. Edward on the other hand was not.  
He trudged a few paces behind, silently watching the two in front of him. His eyes were glazed over and a purple half circle stood prominently under each eye.  
Edward knew that lack of sleep was going to get the better of him soon, assuming that it hadn’t already. But he couldn’t sleep. He was too afraid. He cursed himself endlessly for not being brave enough to endure it, but every time he slept, he saw...  
Alphonse was becoming aware of his brother’s increased irritability, forgetfulness, and inability to focus. He had seen the effect these nightmares were having on him. But Edward begged him not to tell anyone, no matter how loud he screamed during the night, no matter how hard he cried once he woke up. Alphonse obeyed, despite his concerns, but he could see how much worse his brother was getting. But every time he asked how he was doing, Edward forced a smile and insisted that everything was fine. But deep down, Alphonse knew it wasn’t true.  
Winry could also sense that something was wrong. She had become quite aware of his paling skin and out of place eye bags. But she figured Alphonse would’ve said if something was wrong. And he hadn’t said anything so far. So she tried not to worry and go about her visit normally.  
Winry trotted excitedly up to the nearest shop window. “Edward! Do you see this?” She said, pressing her hands on the glass. Edward looked up, barely able to process what was going on. He grew dizzy, suddenly, and put a hand to his head. He groaned quietly as the world began to spin. His knees buckled beneath him and he slowly fell to the ground.  
“Brother!” Al began running toward him. Winry whipped around, her confusion quickly turning into terror.  
“Edward?!”  
Before Edward could respond, everything went black.

Edward opened his eyes slowly and groaned at the light that entered them. He raised a hand to shield them and opened them even slower. He was in his room, light glinting from a lantern beside him. He turned to look out the window to discover it was already night. “W..wha?” Edward muttered, groggily. The sound of footsteps caught his attention and he turned to see Winry approaching the bed.  
“Thank god you’re awake.” She said, sitting in a chair beside the bed. “I was really getting worried.”  
Edward sat up slowly, running a hand through his hair. “What...happened?” He asked, slowly regaining his thoughts.  
Winry looked at him in disbelief. “I should be asking you the same thing. You just passed out while we were walking through town. Alphonse had to carry you back, you’ve been asleep all day.”  
Edward rubbed his eyes. “Where is he?”  
“He’s talking with the Colonel, trying to get you a day off. Him and I both think you really need one.” Edward sighed and threw the covers off of him, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  
“I heard Alphonse say that he ‘should’ve known that it was going to lead to this’ and that he ‘tried to tell you’. I assume you know what he’s talking about?”  
Edward looked at the floor. “He did try to tell me.” He said. “I knew that exhaustion would break me soon.”  
Winry looked at him. “Exhaustion over what?” She asked. “Are you saying this is all because you haven’t been sleeping? Why would you do that to yourself?”  
Edward sighed. “It’s my own fault, I should’ve just toughed it out. It’s just...”  
He looked at Winry, then at the floor. “I’ve been having nightmares lately. Pretty much every night, without fail. I feel like such a coward for not facing them and dealing with it, but...”  
He sighed, small body hunching over.  
“But what, Ed?”  
He sighed again. “They’re all about...what happened..that night.”  
Winry’s eyes widened. She could only imagine how awful it must’ve been for Edward to relive that every night.  
“They just got too real for me.” Edward continued. “I could feel the pain of my leg and arm being ripped from me.” He placed a hand over where his automail leg met his thigh. “Al says that it makes me writhe in my sleep, and he can hear me crying and groaning in pain. He says some nights, I even scream.” He raised his automail hand to look at it. Though the craftsmanship was unrivaled, it was a painful reminder of what he and Alphonse had gone through. “But that side of it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I went through. I...I deserved it.”  
“Edward.” Winry breathed, her voice filled with shock that Edward would ever say that.  
“It’s true, Winry.” Edward continued. “It was my fault for disobeying the laws and it’s my fault I’m missing limbs. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is what Al went through.”  
Winry stared at him, surprised that he was relaying this information to her. But he wasn’t done yet.  
“It’s impossible for me to let it go.” Edward murmured, burying his face in his hands. “Every night, I hear his screams echoing in my head, and I can almost feel him slipping through my fingers like he did that night.” He took in a shaky breath, and sighed.  
“I feel awful for what I did.” He muttered, his voice breaking. “It’s my fault that he’s going through this. I could’ve taken the punishment myself, but he was never the one who wanted to go through with it. It was all me, I’m the one who dragged him into this. It’s all my fault, Winry..it’s all my fault..”  
Edward folded in on himself, scrunching himself into a tight ball, shoulders shaking as he sobbed.  
“Edward.” Winry murmured. Putting her hand on his shoulder.  
“I’m a monster, Winry.” Edward sobbed. “It’s all I’ll ever be, is a fucking monster.”  
“That’s not true.” Winry said, firmly. She lifted his head to meet her eyes. Tears streamed down Edward’s face, golden eyes glinting in the pale lighting, no longer glazed over and indifferent, but now full of sorrow and guilt.  
“Look at me.” She said firmly, grabbing both sides of his face. “You are NOT a monster. You weren’t then and you aren’t now. You were just a kid, you didn’t know any better.”  
Edward stared at her as she wiped a tear off his cheek. He placed a hand over hers, still on his cheek, and sighed.  
Winry gazed at him with sad, empathetic eyes and sighed. “I really am sorry, Edward. Everything you’ve been going through sounds terrible and I feel awful for not noticing there was something wrong sooner.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “But I can’t help you. I’d like to, but I can’t. I can’t relate to what you’re going through and say I understand, and I can’t take your problems away. I would like to, but I can’t. But I can give you my honest opinion, and it’s this: you may have done some awful things in the past, whether you meant to or not, but the important thing is that you’re working to make things right.”  
She wiped another tear from Edward’s face as he stared at her.  
“And that just further proves that you’re not a monster. A monster wouldn’t want to change to be better.”  
Edward let out a shaky sigh. He supposed she was right. He may not have been ready to process it fully yet, but it did put his mind at ease.  
Winry stood up. “You should get some sleep.” She said. “You’re beyond exhausted from keeping yourself up all this time. You need to try and change that before something really bad happens.”  
Edward crawled back under the covers and turned to face the wall. What Winry had said was giving him some peace of mind, he hoped that would be enough to put him to sleep. And yet...  
“Good night, Edward.” Winry murmured, opening the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Winry.”  
Winry stopped in the doorway. “Yes?”  
“Could you...stay with me? Until I fall asleep?”  
Winry paused, closed the door and turned to face him. His tiny body was curled into a tight ball beneath the sheets, messy golden hair spread out on the pillow behind him, fair skin glinting in the pale light, still staring at the wall opposite her. She took in all these features, but all she could see was an exhausted boy who had been staring his demons in the face for who knows how long and just wanted some peace.  
Edward sighed. “It’s fine Winry, never mind. It was stupid of me to ask, you can—“  
The bed creaked as Winry settled herself beside Edward. “It’s fine, Edward.” she whispered. “I get it.”  
Edward might have been flustered at this act, but he was too tired to care. He hadn’t expected Winry to say yes. He didn’t know what he expected, the request just slipped out of his mouth before he could think about what he was saying. He hoped Winry would understand. He just didn’t want to be alone that night, to face his demons by himself.  
“Good night, Edward.”  
“Winry?” Edward murmured, not turning to face her.  
Winry paused. “Yes?”  
Edward let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”


End file.
